Lessons from Loss - Part II

This is part two of the two part series about the lessons I’ve learned from my mother’s death. Today I’ll be talking about relationships and experiencing joy after death.  If you haven’t heard Part I of this podcast series, I invite you to start at episode 46, if you are so inclined.  My ultimate goal is to help others during one of the most challenging times of being alive; dealing with death.

We left off last episode talking briefly about relationships with those we have lost.

My mother’s death has taught me that relationships continue as long as I want them to.  I’ve learned over the years that a relationship is not some outside entity between two people.  It’s not a person plus a person equals a relationship and that the three can be separated. To me, it's the thoughts I have about another person that are the foundation of my relationship with them.  I can still have thoughts about my mom.  Therefore, I can still have a relationship with her.  I made it that simple for myself.  And you have the same opportunity.  My relationship has changed because my mom is not physically here with me, but I talk to my mom all the time in my head and in my journaling.  Do you allow yourself to do this with the people who aren’t physically in your life anymore, living or dead?

In my experience, it has been very healing because I know that my mom is with me. I know my mom knows my mind and my heart.  I know I can still share with her. I can still hear her cheer for me, compliment me and be proud of me.  Yes, there are times when I question whether I’m sane or not but you know, I let that judgment fall away.  I love talking with my mom and I do it now more than ever, because I can and I want to.

Even with someone who hasn’t passed away, you can still have a relationship with them if you so choose.  It’s as simple as a thought.  It’s as simple as creating an answer.  Because your thoughts cause you to feel, your relationship with someone will come from your nourished thoughts, whether positive or negative, useful or not useful.  Whichever thoughts and stories you are giving attention to in your headspace about another person, those are the foundation of your relationship with them.  And if you want the relationship to change, what do you think needs to change first? It’s not them.  It’s your thoughts about them.

If you’re ready to try this out, think of a person you miss desperately.  Perhaps you don’t see them as often as you’d like, perhaps their life has come to a completion.  What would you like to say to them right now? Think it. Think of their face. Then imagine their response back to you.  It’s probably more simple and straightforward than you think.

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